I am going to take this time to allow myself to be vulnerable and open with my most recent thoughts and emotions. I welcome feedback, instruction, insight, and even correction.
The thing that I seem to be struggling with lately is prayer. I am going through this "phase" where I wonder HOW I should be praying or WHAT I should be praying for, or even WHY...
It's like this: God knows everything. He knows my heart. He knows what I seek. So, why should I ask for things? Also, I feel like "Who am I?" to be asking things of God? I feel so meaningless in the great big scheme of things. And just how effective is prayer? It's not a magic wand. God already knows the outcome. It's kind of like a "What's the point?" thing. I know that I need to pray, and I still do. Yet, I wonder if it is effective. We have been discussing James 1 in Bible Study on TeamSpeak3 and it speaks to praying with unwavering faith, praying without doubt, and I don't think that I have doubts in prayer, but then again I can't say that with any amount of certainty, so there is something I have doubts about...
Ok, example: A couple of weeks ago Carter, my son, had a fever. He has had seizures associated with fever in the past. On that Wednesday night, I specifically prayed for him to not have another seizure. On Thursday morning I awoke to the terrifying sound of him gasping for breath, and opened my eyes to him convulsing with his eyes rolled back in his head, foaming at the mouth, his lips turning blue.
No, I don't "blame" God. No, I am not angry that I didn't "get what I asked for". But I do wonder, how effective is prayer? And if He already had a plan and knows how things will happen (and I do NOT question His plan) what does it matter if I ask for something? I asked and He said "No". Ok. I get it, it was part of His plan. "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose." ~Romans 8:28
But, was my prayer the night before just a waste of breath? Was I doubting? Was I asking outside the will of God? I know that I am supposed to ask in faith, believing that I will receive.(Mark 11:24) I know I need to pray about everything (Phil 4:6) and pray without ceasing (1 Thess 5:17) I know God answers prayer (and sometimes the answer is yes, no, or not yet.)
I know that He is the Father and I am His daughter and He wants to hear from me and have a relationship with me. And I know that I can approach the throne with boldness... But for some reason I still feel.... discouraged.
I will continue to pray, to talk to God. I will try my best the only way I know how. But I would love some insight on how you feel about prayer, how you should pray, what you should pray for, how you stay encouraged through prayer, etc. And, like I said at the beginning, I believe this is a "phase" and is more about me in my emotions and living inside my own head more than anything.
I thought your blog was very interesting and I can guarantee you're not the only one who feels that way at times and actually probably more people feel that way but they don't let it be known because they don't want anyone to know that they don't have it all figured out and in my opinion we never will. I don't think we are capable of fully understanding the glory of God and will have questions. If course the best answers will always be found in the Word of God and I see that you have been there. I also believe that prayer should be a conversation between us and God and not just us. We always thank Him for the things He has done and ask for things we need or want and ask for forgiveness. That is a lot of us talking and I feel we should do more listening in my opinion. When I hear predestination I'm reminded of Calvinism. I'm sure you know what it is and I will say that I don't believe in it, but that is my personal belief. Calvinist believe that we are all predestined for heaven or hell and there have been certain scriptures used to their defense. Unfortunately I'm at work and can't type a book lol but one thing I will say if we were predestined for heaven or hell before we were even born then that takes away free will which God gave us and what would have been the need of our Saviour Jesus Christ? Anyways I just wanted to respond mainly about the prayer thing because I know how you feel and I guarantee every Christian has felt that way before to. I would be glad to discuss more when I'm on my pc rather than my phone. I hope you have a blessed day.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU so so so much for your response! I actually DON'T know what Calvinism is, but from your description, I don't agree with it's philosophy. I do very much believe in free will and I believe WE choose where we will spend eternity. Regarding the prayer thing... I know I am not alone, but you are so right, noboby likes to admit that they are imperfect, even though we all are. It is always nice to get others' perspectives on things, also, because a lot of times we are so wrapped up in ourselves and our emotions we fail to look at things objectively or rationally.
DeleteHi sissy. You're not alone. My prayer life is NOT what it should be. Here's some things I believe though....
ReplyDeleteLike the previous poster said, prayer should be a conversation, two sided. It involves speaking but probably more listening would do us all some good (which is so so hard because even though we want to know the voice of God let's face it there are a bit of other voices in our heads and sometimes it's hard to distinguish).
Also, I think prayer should be something we live and not something we do. While a designated time of prayer is good, nothing wrong with that at all, we need to let everything we do speak to God and every quiet moment be one where we allow ourselves to hear from him. Kind of like how everything we do should be an act of worship. Every action, everything we watch, everything we listen to, everything we give or take.... it should all speak to how worthy God is. Our lives should glorify Him. Man do I fall short but I'd love to get to the place where every time I get something my heart speaks gratitude to God. I'd love whenever I give something, for it to be a prayer of blessing for someone else. I'd love whenever I face a rough time for my attitude to speak to God that I trust Him fully.
The predestination thing, I'm very much rusty on my Bible but as far as I remember, the times the Bible speaks on predestination (like Romans 8 and Ephesians 1) it doesn't speak about God making things happen but rather Him purposing within Himself that we should all be adopted as sons and be conformed to the image of the Son. Just because He purposes it in His heart though does not mean he makes it happen. He wants it to very dearly but people can choose not to worship Him and they can choose not to walk out the image of God (righteousness..... right relationships with God and man, and holiness...being set apart from the world). That's one thing you can pray about, that you will allow yourself to be conformed to the image of the Son, thereby fulfilling the will of God for your life.
What to pray for? Pray for wisdom (James 1:5)
Pray for boldness (Acts 4:29)
Pray for the infilling of the Holy Spirit (this one you've read before I'm sure but people usually generalize it to make it sound like you get whatever you pray for.. Most people Quote Matthew 7 but Luke gives more detail about the words of Jesus in Luke 11... it's the ask, seek, knock, reference).
Pray the "Lord's Prayer", not the words but the heart of it. (Offer worship for who God is, pray that His will will be done. Pray for provision, pray for forgiveness for your specific sins and pray that you will be able to forgive others for theirs, pray for strength to say no to temptation and protection from evil).
Why pray? Pray because your spirit and soul need it. Communion with God is life to those parts of you that can't be seen. Prayer doesn't change God but it sure changes us. Prayer changes our attitude. it keeps our focus on the fact that God is who He says He is and even though He is everywhere and he is all powerful and he knows everything He still wants to have an intimate, deep, personal relationship with us.
He's still working on me too.
I <3 you.
Thanks for your insight! I absolutely agree with you on all the points you made! I think at this point I am just being an emotional errant human being, and I need to pray because I know it is good for me. I also think I need better time management, which is one of the main reasons I am going minimalist-ish...
DeleteI love you, too! <3
We should chat sometime about your minimalist-ish-ness. I know someone else who has written on the topic. Was just wondering how you are going about it. My chaos needs help.
DeleteWonderfully said Rebecca! If either of you are interested here is a great read on Calvinism that talks about predestination and a lot of other things that Calvinist believe. It is kinda long but well worth it. It was written by Dr. Adrian Rodgers whom I think is a very inspirational preacher of the Word and a real man of God like I feel Billy Graham is. You should also check out some of his sermons on youtube. Anyways here is the link. It should open as a pdf file. http://www.lacollege.edu/sites/default/files/reformed_theology_jan_13.pdf
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Thanks for the information! :)
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